Krabby Universe
by Kashikoi-kun
Summary: 16 years after Krabby Land, the Krusty Krew must try new tactics to get a new generation of kids to spend their summer eating and playing at the Krusty Krab.
1. Chapter 1: Neptune, Take the Wheel

**Chapter 1**

 **Neptune, Take the Wheel**

 _Location: Pineapple Under the Sea, Interior; June 21_

A yellow-sea sponge sits in the living room while reading a newspaper. While doing so, he comments: "Boy, can't believe the BB Times is going under; print companies are disappearing these days"

"Meow" a snail, not a cat, makes a sound which translates to: "How's the coffee?"

"Hold on, Gare Bear" he replies and takes a cup's sip. Satisfied, he sets the cup down and critiques: "I've drank this for 16 years and still don't how you do it, Gare Bear, but that's the best coffee I've ever-"

Suddenly, SpongeBob's arteries ache and he yelps.

"Guess I'm too old for so much caffeine" he comments and chugs a glass of water. "Well, time to punch the clock"

He puts on the Krusty Krab hat and walks into the living room. "But not before checking my Quote-a-Day calendar"

" **June 21: Civilization is doomed. Neptune, take the wheel!"**

"Wow, that's not encouraging at all" he comments. "Apparently, the motivational and optimistic calendars aren't marketable anymore"

 _Location: Krusty Krab, Interior; June 21_

SpongeBob enters the restaurant and tosses flower petals into the air. He walks over to a grumpy squid: "Happy first day of summer, Squidward! Care to join me for solstice caroling? Walking in the grass, it's so fine, don't need shoes in the summertime!"

Unfortunately, the grumpy yet relatable squid comments: "I'm still not a summer person, SpongeBob. Especially since it's so hot nowadays!"

"Oh, Squidward. If you look past climate change, then it's the most wonderful time of the year!"

A jovial Mr. Krabs exits his office through the door: "Davy Jones on the jib! Do my ears deceive me? Is it really the first day of summer? Is it?"

"Yeah" SpongeBob chuckles

"Whee-hoo!" the cheapskate replies and dashes over to the window.

"Gee, Mr. K., you sure have a scorching case of summer fever! What is it about summertime that makes us so happy? The warm nights, the intoxicating aroma of a charcoal briquette, the hypnotic sound of a lawnmower running over a distracted fish on their phone?"

"THE MONEY!"

"The money?"

"Er, uh…I mean, uh…the children!"

"Oh…."

"You see, boy, during the summer, the children are excused from their classes, a recess commonly referred to as summer break".

Mr. Krabs sits down on a barrel and SpongeBob sits on his lap.

"Tell me more about summer break"

"Well, during this summer break, the children wander Bikini Bottom unsupervised, their pockets lined with allowance. Free to spend their money without any parental guidance whatsoever".

Mr. Krabs pulls down a menu and comments: "I guess that's what I like best"; he _puts a sticker labeled '4.99' next to the Kiddie Meal";_

"Sure, I suppose some would try and take advantage of this situation by selling them toys or candy, but I sleep well at night with the knowledge that I'm providing them with something they need: a nutritious meal."

Closing Time (almost)

"Almost closing time, Mr. K" SpongeBob walks upto Mr. K, who was standing by the window, excited and now disappointed.

"What? But that's impossible" he then sobs: What about the money? I mean uh... uh... what about the children?"

 _SpongeBob shrugs as Mr. Krabs sighs: "I guess summer isn't coming this year"_

" _If you think about it, kids don't eat here as much during recent summers" SpongeBob admits. "Even Krabby the Clown or my pain and misery won't work_

"What if…we opened a Krabby Universe!" Mr. Krabs suggests. "Glove World did it. Why can't we?"

"Let's try. But the playgrounds are also suffering; kids stay inside and parents' are paranoid about leaving them without guidance" Squidward suggests from the register boat.

SpongeBob comments. "Just wish they read our ads in the kids section of the newspaper"

"You doofus!" Squidward yells. "Bottomites don't read the paper anymore. If you wanna advertise to them, you do so online!"

"Online?" Mr. Krabs asks. "But, we don't have any computers to post online"

"That's from your stupidity" Squidward comments.

"No worries. I'll visit the cyber café" Mr. Krabs outlines a plan. "Problem is I've never used a computer in me life"

"We also don't have much computer experience, Mr. K" SpongeBob admits. "Maybe ask Pearl to help"

"Spending time with family: It's the teenage dream" the krab satirically comments. "It's a plan!"

He heads towards the exit and so does the Krusty Krew.

"Spending time with family was your teenage dream?" a confused Squidward asks: "What about having good times at Make-Out Reef?"

"I spent me adolescence in the war; it got lonely"

"Fair enough" Squidward agrees and then asks. "So, if this fails. Can we get tomorrow off?"

"No, Mr. Squidward" Mr. Krabs replies.

Squidward sighs in yet more disappointment:

"Oof. It was worth a try"

To be continued


	2. Chapter 2: Tech, Food, and Playground

Chapter 2

 **Tech, Food, and Playground**

* * *

 _French Narrator: "Ze Next Day"_

 _Location: Road leading to the Krusty Krab_

SpongeBob walks towards the Krusty Krab:

"Another day, another dollar. Gee, I wonder what Mr. Krabs has been up to since I saw him last and then went to the internet café to do some techy stuff that I have no clue about"

"Huh?" he sighs while staring at something in the distance. He notices a sign reading "Krabby Universe" hanging behind the Krusty Krab. A giant sheet's covering some sort of area. SpongeBob walks up to Mr. Krabs.

"SpongeBob!" Mr. Krabs talks while sticking the hammer in his belt: "You're just in time for the grand unveiling of Krabby Universe!"

"Krabby Universe, sir?" a confused SpongeBob asks.

"Yes, Krabby Universe!" he replies and holds up a sign reading "Krabby Universe". "Where a kid can have fun…for a reasonable price"

He laughs and continues: "Just gotta wait for the children to arrive!"

* * *

French Narrator: "Three hours later"

The Krusty Krew waits outside in the open.

"I give up!" Mr. Krabs yells and approaches his office

"What now?" Squidward asks. "Gosh, I hate this global warming!"

SpongeBob replies: "Don't worry. He's just having a hard time getting his confidence"

* * *

French Narrator: "Many hours later"

SpongeBob comments to an annoyed Squidward as they stand outside: "I'm sure we're close to a breakthrough"

"So much later that the old narrator got tired of waiting and they had to hire a new one"

"Hey, SpongeBoob. Still optimistic yet?" an exhausted Squidward asks. "Or has society crushed your hopes and dreams? If so, welcome to the club of adulthood"

The yellow sponge snaps: "I know the kids still aren't coming! Don't rub it in!"

"What now genius?" Squidward asks. "Posting an ad online clearly didn't work"

"Let's ask Mr. K"

* * *

 _Location: The Krabby Office_

"Where's me money!?" The cheapskate cries while sitting at its office desk.

"You ok, Mr. K?" SpongeBob asks and barges in through the door followed by an indifferent Squidward.

"Where are me children!?" Mr. Krabs sobs.

"Oh, Pearl. She's at home-"

"-No, you barnacle brain. Where are the kids with their money!?"

"Yeah, I don't get it either. We posted that online ad" SpongeBob agrees. "Any advice, Squidward?"

"I don't know. I hate children" Squidward half-optimistically replies. "Let's go somewhere kids enjoy and find out!"

"Warm up the boat, boys!"

* * *

 _Location: On the Road_

Mr. Krabs drives his boat while the two below-average paid sea-critters sit in the back seat. While driving, they notice several parents running and screaming from the Chum Bucket. They're grabbing their sickly children by the fins' and screaming: "Run!"

"Huh?" Mr. Krabs sighs and stops the car. "What could've happened?"

"Wait, come back!" a mysterious voice screams.

"What was that?" a confused sponge asks.

"I don't know" the krab shrugs and starts the boat again when suddenly:

"OOOOOOOWWWWWWW! Eugene!"

Terrified, Mr. Krabs slams on the breaks, shifts into Park, and inspects around the wheels.

He apologizes: "Sorry there, Plankton"

"What's up with your customers?" Squidward, now suddenly interested in everyday matters, asks.

"These parents' are absolute helicopters!" Plankton complains and gets out from below the front wheel that just crushed him to death. "They can't leave their kids alone for a minute. And these kids don't eat my chum"

Squidward comments: "I don't blame them"

"Yeah, neither do I" the plankton agrees. "But, they're so distracted by those screen thingies that they won't eat my chum!"

"Well, Plankton. I guess we face a similar problem here" Eugene observes. "Kids don't wanna play at Krabby Universe. And parents don't want kids to eat your chum. Again, I don't blame them"

Suddenly, a lightbulb goes off in SpongeBob's head and he proposes: "What if you and Plankton did some teamwork?"

"Te-AM work? What does that mean?" Plankton asks avoidantly.

"Teamwork. It's when you work together and are part of the team in the hopes of making the world a better place!"

"I had hopes once. But they died and I had to bury them in the cemetery" Squidward cynically comments

"Fine. What kind of tamale work should we do?"

"Teamwork, you nitwit" Squidward clarifies

"Zip it, you mediocre clarinet player!"

"Mediocre?" Squidward gasps, appalled.

"Fine" Mr. Krabs agrees. "We're work together and split the profits"

"How?" Plankton asks.

"You get the technology; I'll get me edible food and playground"

To be continued

[A/N: Apologies for these infrequent updates. But I just finished my college midterms and am just really busy with college and other adult obligations right now. I'll try my best to write and publish these chapters ASAP!]


	3. Chapter 3: Ze Next Generation

Chapter 3

 **Ze Next Generation**

* * *

 _French Narrator: "Ze Next Day"_

 _Location: The Krusty Krab_

"Mr. Squidward, stop playing that music!" Mr. Krabs orders the mediocre clarinet player. "Kids hate jazz!"

"Ugh. Just another non-recognition of my talent" Squidward complains and then gives up.

"Squidward, jazz just sucks" the krab bluntly replies as he sets Krabby Patties on the tables. Plankton's setting up a VR headset with Karen as the monitor.

"Viola! They finally figured out how to conquer the child's brain!" Plankton admits and plugs the headset into Karen.

Then, a sponge enters the eating establishment with several pieces of papers held in his left hand. "Good morning, Mr. K. I have online ad pitches"

"What you got, lad?" he replies and looks through the written pitches. "Get lit at the Krusty Krab?"

"But we live underwater!" Squidward points out.

"According to the kids, it's just a rad new expression" SpongeBob explains.

"I don't care. It's illogical like everything else in Bikini Bottom!"

"Alright fine" SpongeBob agrees and then moves onto the next slogan: "Hey kiddos, come here to get Coolio during the Summerio!"

"Oh, please. Nobody says Coolio anymore" Squidward critiques him again. "Look at us. We're just a bunch of middle-aged and old people trying to stay hip"

"You're right, Mr. Squidward. We need some young blood!"

Then, SpongeBob suggests a recently-conceived idea: "I know what to do. Let's bring Pearl on board!"

"You're right, she'll know how to connect with this new generation!" Mr. Krabs agrees.

* * *

 _French Narrator: "10 Minutes Later"_

 _Location: The Krusty Krab_

"Alright, thanks darling" Mr. Krabs thanks his daughter over the phone; he hangs up and suggests:

"Boys, Pearl suggested that we make Krabby Koffee because kids drink that poison nowadays. And we should also make the Krabby Patties healthier because people are more health conscious these days"

"How do we make junk food healthier?" a given-up Squidward asks. "This food is literal poison! It caused my thighs to explode!"

"Let's exchange Krabby Patties with salads" Squidward suggests, causing Mr. Krabs to get Kuddly Krab flashbacks and pass out.

"So...what's the slogan gonna be?" Plankton breaks his silence. "Because, we're just old people getting advice from a teenager"

"How about we use the same slogan from that commercial?" SpongeBob suggests: "The Krusty Krab: Come spend your money here!"

"Yeah, that's timeless and not pandering to any age group" Squidward agrees. "We should stop pandering to kids because it's cringeworthy and not very effective"

To be continued

[A/N: I'm trying to get future chapters done ASAP. But I have finals coming up, so I'll try my best.

 **Rest in peace, Stephen. Thanks for defining a generation and future generations with your creativity**.]


	4. Chapter 4: The Disaster Clarinest

Chapter 4

 **The Disaster Clarinest**

* * *

 _French Narrator: "Ze Next Day"_

 _Location: The Krusty Krab_

The Krusty Krew and Plankton await the kids arrival. Squidward tries yet again to play jazz music on the clarinet

"Mr. Squidward. Put away that garbage or I'll use your clarinet as a toilet plunger!" the krab warns him, which finally terrifies The Disaster Clarinest.

"Oh, look. A parent!" SpongeBob stares at the window and yells in excitement. "Hold on. How can a parent have 10 kids these days?"

"Yeah. The economy sunk 1500 points last night" a cynical Squidward acknowledges.

"Also, why'd the parents have to accompany them?" a confused, old-fashioned Mr. Krabs asks. "Last time, the children came unsupervised"

"The ocean has become a cruel, filthy, and dangerous place" Squidward cynically comments. "The crime rate has spiked, and fish keep choking on plastic that those 6-feet fish on the surface dump into the ocean!"

"Nonsense" the optimistic sponge dismisses the thought; the parent and 10 kids enter through the suggestive lobster trap via the front door.

"Welcome to the Krusty Krab: Sir, Madame, and money...I mean children!" Mr. Krabs greets the parents. "You have so many lovely kids"

"Oh. We only have one kid" the dad explains. "The other parents nearby didn't have time to supervise their kids. So, we volunteered"

"Well that's unfortunate" SpongeBob comments. "Anyways, we'll take care of your children. So, no need to be worried"

"Yeah, don't worry" Mr. Krabs reassures them, but not without mimicking a gaffe machine. "We'll take care of your money...I mean the children!"

"No. We still wanna see Krabby Universe!" the mother insists. "After all, you did scam us with Krabby Land all those years ago"

"Oh. This isn't a scam" Mr. Krabs admits with a change of heart. "I learned me lesson"

* * *

 _Location: Back of The Krusty Krab_

"Young man, what's your name?" Mr. Krabs asks one of the kids.

"Monroe II"

Mr. Krabs picks the kid up and laughs: "Nice to meet you, Monroe II"

"WHEE!" the kid cheers. The krab shakes Monroe II in search of loose change sound. "Huh, where's your money?"

"On my card?"

"Kids have cards these days?"

"Yeah. We just charge it on the plastic"

"Mr. Squidward! Take SpongeBob with you to the store and buy me a card reader!"

"Do I have to?"

"Do it or you'll never work here again!"

"That'd be a dream come true: To make something of my life and never set foot in this greasetrap again!"

"If you're fired, there's no severance pay"

"UGH! Fine, I'll take this yellow nitwit with me!" he reluctantly agrees and drags the sponge along for the oh-so exciting journey to the electronics store.

"Ok, money. I mean, err...children. It's time for the grand unveiling of... money! I mean, Krabby Universe!"

The kids cheer.

"Okay, kids, now promise Grandpa Krabs that if you get hungry while you're playing, you'll come inside for some delicious, nutritious Krabby Patties.

"We promise!"

The mother complains: "You expect my kids to eat that garbage! Krabby Patties are a heart attack on a bun!"

Plankton rants: "Krabby Patties don't cause heart attacks. You two are just too old to eat Krabby Patties without experiencing health problems!"

The mother glares at him, causing Plankton to shut up for good.

"We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties!"

"Please. You're better off eating at the Chum Bucket than the Krusty Krab" the dad comments

"Hey! No actually, come and eat at the Chum Bucket sometime"

"I was being sarcastic. Chum is poison and unethical towards fish-manity"

Mr. Krabs concludes: **"** Alright, so no Krabby Patties. We do offer salads that're completely CORAL!"

Monroe II corrects him: "Nobody says coral anymore"

"Oof. Then just enjoy playing in Krabby Universe!"

"YAY!" the crowd of 10 kids cheers.

"All right, here we go! I give you...Krabby Universe!" Mr. Krabs announces and then pulls off the sheet that covered the play area. In contrast to last time, the playground's much better and more daring than Krabby Land. SpongeBob hired Sandy to construct the playground and they used old remains from her pre-hibernation week equipment.

"This is so dangerous!" the helicopter mom admits.

"Alright, fine" the krab gives up and continues: "But, we still have the one and only Krabby the Clown!"

The dad objects: "Repulsive!"

"Excuse me?" Mr. Krabs asks, confused.

"Have you not heard about the creepy clown sightings, old man?"

"Ummm...no"

"And a scary clown movie just came out and scared our kids"

"Just don't let your kids watch scary movies!"

"Whatever. Just don't bring a clown"

Mr. Krabs concedes and continues: "Fine. Just have fun and don't forget to eat plenty of salads! A salad a day keeps the clown away!"

The dad asks: **"** It's so dangerous outside at this excuse of a safe park. How about they go inside?"

"Yes! My beautiful computer wife runs on 576i signal!"

* * *

 _Location: The Krusty Krab_

A kid plays the VR game, completely immersed, and ends up hogging the game for 10 minutes. Back in the old days, the kids would impatiently complain. But these days, they just scroll through their sea-phones to pass the time.

An hour passes; their sea-phone battery dies and the kids get bored and lose it: "Hey, quit hogging the game!"

Plankton agrees: "Yeah! Scram, kid!"

The kid agrees and dismissively comments: "Whatever. These 4:3 monitors have such an ugly resolution!"

"Are you insulting my wife?!"

"No. Just said that these monitors are out of fashion!"

"First you call my wife's resolution ugly. Now you call her outdated: Get lost or I will annihilate you!"

"Hey, take a chill pill there!" the mother asks him. "My kid did nothing wrong. He just said the truth"

"Oh, come on. Your kid isn't a perfect snowflake!" Plankton snaps. "He insulted my wife! So, you and your kid can get lost!"

"No, Plankton! What're you doing?!" Mr. Krabs protests until the parent leaves with the other kids following suit.

"Phew. What a relief" Plankton sighs in relief. "We don't need such rude customers"

"What did you do!?" Mr. Krabs yells at him. "You drove away me money!"

"Hey, let's discuss this in your office"

To be continued

1 CHAPTER LEFT


	5. Chapter 5: Finale

Chapter 5

 **Finale**

* * *

 _Location: Mr. Krabs' Office_

Mr. Krabs sits at his desk and Plankton, given his tiny stature, sits on a miniature table on the desk.

"What's the meaning of this, Plankton?" an enraged krab asks about the loss in summer customers.

"Fine, I'll explain" the plankton agrees until their interrupted by speech outside the room.

"Where's Mr. Krabs?" Squidward asks from the main entrance, surprised from the lack of traffic in the restaurant. "Also, where are the customers?"

Pro: Getting rest of the day off; Con: Less pay and still having to live near SpongeBob.

SpongeBob points towards the office door and concludes: "I think... **THE CUSTOMERS WERE UNFAIR, MR. KRABS IS IN THERE, THINKING LIKE A FRESHMAN, PLOTTING HIS SUGGESTION!"**

Squidward opens the door and comments: "I set your stupid card reader on the register"

"Forget the card reader, boys. We don't need it today" Mr. Krabs admits, sadly.

"Where are the customers, Mr. K?" SpongeBob asks.

"This little pipsqueak drove 'em away" Mr. Krabs explains.

"I had good merit!" Plankton defends himself. "We were pandering to those children and paranoid parents. At that rate, you were bound to run yourself out of business!"

"What do you mean?" the krab asks.

"We spent so much money on Krabby Universe, the VR headset, and those CORAL SALADS!"

"Dude, nobody says coral anymore" Squidward corrects him.

"Whatever" Plankton sighs.

"I guess you're right" Krabs replies. "We need something that appeals to kids, but doesn't pander to them"

"So, we need something with universal appeal?" SpongeBob suggests.

"What about a swimming pool?" Squidward suggests before explaining the philosophy of adult life. "Life's a bummer. We all need time to swim, relax, and get a tan"

"Mr. Squidward, we're not promoting tanning for children" Mr. Krabs corrects him. "Those tanning bed companies are already in deep trouble"

"Fine, but we should include a swimming pool!" he agrees and then corrects himself. "No, wait. Wouldn't parents be scared about their kids drowning?"

"We live underwater!" Plankton clarifies. "SpongeBoob drowned while lifeguarding. But any intelligence life forms can swim!"

"Huh" Squidward sighs. "I've just been neighbors with this nitwit for so long that I forgot about other sea critters"

"Alright, men. I think we have a plan" Mr. Krabs agrees.

* * *

 _One Week Later_

 _Location: Back of the Krusty Krab_

"Eugene, this was a great idea!" Plankton admits as they relax in the large swimming pool in the backlot of The Krusty Krab. The kids and parents swim and splash around the pool.

"Agreed. Also, swimming and splashing refrains them from those screen things" Mr. Krabs admits as they both lie in floating pool chairs.

"Kids, what do you think about Krabby Universe 2.0?" Mr. Krabs surveys the non-legal customers. Krabby Universe 2.0 is codename for "Krusty Krab Swimming Pool"; adding the 2.0 makes it sound like an upgrade.

"We love it, Mr. Krabs!" the crowd of kid replies.

"And, what about you parents?"

"It's good enough" the mother admits.

"Excellent" Mr. Krabs comments and then announces. "You're up, SpongeBob"

"I'm ready!" SpongeBob agrees with excitement and dresses up in a "terrifying" costume.

"Kids, it's time to chase the clown!" Mr. Krabs announces and soon the kids chase after SpongeBob. Regardless, the energetic sponge actually enjoys being chased and hunted by the traumatized children:

"Yes, unleash your anger onto the clown!" he provokes them.

"Eugene, you seem to have everything under control. Can I get the day off?"

"No, Mr. Squidward" Mr. Krabs denies him peace or happiness from the mundane 9-5 work cycle.

"Ugh!"

"Who wants a Krabby Patty?"

"Hey, that's unhealthy!" the father admits.

"Oh, come on. They're burning off those calories in me swimming pool and by chasing the clown" Mr. Krabs explains the counterbalance theory.

"Fair enough" he concedes. "Alright, kids. Let's go inside and eat some expensive Krabby Patties!"

"Yay!" the kids cheer and dash inside the restaurant.

A grouchy Squidward scampers and an eccentric sponge dashes into the restaurant; Mr. Krabs admits:

"Mission Krabby Universe: Accomplished"

The end


End file.
